Grief cannot be fixed

Grief cannot be fixed

It’s been almost three months since we lost our little girl. It’s not only hard to handle this loss, but it’s also very hard to handle all the comments and wrong reactions of the people around us. Although I realize that everyone means the very best for us, these comments are still hurtful. Here’s a…

Allowing healing

Allowing healing

I remember the first time I smiled after we lost Sahar. I didn’t even get to finish that smile when my heart filled with this unbearable weight and my mind was blaming me for having the audacity to smile, just when I had lost my baby, my firstborn. How could a smile have escaped me? How could that happen?…

Hope is the light in this darkness

Hope is the light in this darkness

Where will we be in a year from now? I used to be able to answer this questions with a bunch of plans, dreams, and actions, waiting to be realized. I would literally talk your ears off. Now, after loss, I ask myself this question every day, and I only have a bunch of question…

Grateful for a moment of silence

Grateful for a moment of silence

Katrin and Alex’ wedding was beautiful. The most special day. The most magical event. Filled with bliss. Filled with joy. Filled with emotions. But especially with LOVE. Katrin and Alex arranged for a special time and space to remember the loved ones that were gone too soon and could not join us on this special…

About readiness

About readiness

Are you ready for a new pregnancy? When are you going to try for a new baby? These questions are popping up a lot lately. People around me see that I’m sad, that I’m grieving, that I’m hurting. And somehow, they want to fix my grief. And they do so by pushing the idea of…

It’s a special day today…

It’s a special day today…

Hello sweet baby girl! Today is a very special day, and I wanted to tell you all about it. Your aunt Kat is getting maried today, to the love of her life Alex. We travelled all the way to Romania to witness their love and attend their wedding. When your aunt was all busy planning…

Recognising her presence

Recognising her presence

It’s midday. Lunch-time. Everyone walks out of the office, to spend their break outside: sitting in the sun-shine, enjoying the good weather. I stay at my desk. Looking into the void. Lost in my own little world. Unconscious of what happens around me. I think of Sahar. I remember her beauty, her extraordinary little self….

Sahar’s space at home (Part 2)

Sahar’s space at home (Part 2)

It’s been a while since I posted part I, and not because I haven’t been working on this (quite the contrary), but because I prefer to take a bit more time and be completely happy with the results, than just putting something together for the sake of doing so. A while ago I came back…

Summer

Summer

Summer. The most beautiful and fun time of the year. The sun, spreading its light and warmth all over my skin. The bees, buzzing over every flower that blooms, filling their tiny pockets to make that sweet thing called honey. The pollen, travelling through the wind, landing on my hair every now and then. Butterflies,…

Hormones, restored in their balance

Hormones, restored in their balance

A while ago I told you about how my hormone imbalance was driving me crazy. The terrible sadness and grief I already go through in this very difficult time, is worsened by the birth control pills I was taking to heal from the curettage they performed a few weeks earlier. I was barely holding on,…

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