Fading memories

Fading memories

I see my girl every single day in my mind. I can still see my big belly, I can still feel how it felt to rub it, thinking of my little girl growing inside. I have that vivid image in my brain of the moment my water broke and all those emotions of knowing she’d…

2 months Angelversary

2 months Angelversary

Hello my very sweet baby… 2 months ago you left the protective environment of mommy’s womb to join this very beautiful Earth for just a few brief moments. A few brief moments that changed our lives forever… You filled our lives with the most raw and unconditional LOVE. You made us see what really matters…

Hormone imbalance plus loss

Hormone imbalance plus loss

The day we conceive, our body starts to undertake major changes in our hormonal system to support that pregnancy so we can deliver a healthy baby. That is why we experience so many overwhelming emotions when we are pregnant. We react to that hormone imbalance by being very happy, very sad or even very mad….

Dreams, Reintroduced…

Dreams, Reintroduced…

When Sahar died, our world came crashing down. Every dream was shattered, every dream was broken, every dream was crushed, every dream became impossible, every dream became irrelevant, every dream became unreachable… I never, EVER thought I was going to be able to have dreams and hopes again, … ever… And now, slowly but steadily,…

The blessing of saying goodbye

The blessing of saying goodbye

Yesterday I watched the movie Meet Joe Black on tv. For those of you who’ve never seen it before, it’s a movie about death and love. Death takes the human form of Brad Pitt as he comes to guide Anthony Hopkins to the grave. Death gives Hopkins more time on Earth in exchange for staying with him,…

First time for everything again

First time for everything again

It’s hard to describe, but when you experience a devastating trauma like the loss of a child, your life seems to begin again, in a different form. Everything that was once normal, obvious or natural, isn’t any more. You have to learn to do all these things, all over again, like a child does. That’s…

Reminders from my subconscious self

Reminders from my subconscious self

May 7th 2013. I met my wonderful precious little baby girl… And then she died. As we buried our daughter, I buried myself in a dark coffin of tears, grief, emptiness, heartache and excruciating pain. Frank and I left to France for two weeks after her funeral, to try and find some peace in the…

Acting around people who’ve experienced loss

Acting around people who’ve experienced loss

Everyone will experience a loss sooner or later… Acquaintances, friends, parents, siblings, and in the worst of cases… children. This is the time when you need the support of your loved ones the most. It’s completely unnatural to lose a child. We were never taught what to do or say. Because although it happens, it’s still rare. Maybe I would have…

Leaving my planned life behind

Leaving my planned life behind

I’ve talked about this a little bit in this post, but since it’s been going through my mind for several days now, I wanted to elaborate. If you could ask anyone that knows me (before loss) just a very little bit, they would tell you that I am a meticulous planner. VERY meticulous. Many would even…

Hope for a new day

Hope for a new day

Yesterday was a beautiful day. I got up in the morning, immediately started my workout and had breakfast after. We went to the city, had a drink outside even when the weather wasn’t that inviting to do so. We went shopping for books. I bought an awesome ring I fell in love with. We went…

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