The same loss, a different journey in grief

The same loss, a different journey in grief

This is crazy… I mean, my OB told me, the social worker at the hospital told me, I read it in books, I even read about it on websites of fellow bereaved mothers: everyone grieves differently. You’d think that knowing that, you wouldn’t make the same mistakes. Yet I did. Because realizing this fact, isn’t…

A letter to Sahar

A letter to Sahar

Hello my very sweet baby girl… I have so many things to tell you, so many things to ask you and to show you… Normally I tell you might thoughts in my mind. I spend hours and hours quiet to the outside world, when actually, I am just talking to you. I found this lovely…

Going back to where it all happened…

Going back to where it all happened…

I went to my OB yesterday evening for what should have been a routine checkup, and as it turns out, I had to go in a for a small surgery. There were still small pieces of the placenta in there and they had to be surgically removed. They had to do what they call a…

Why share her story?

Why share her story?

I’ve received quite some reactions to my website already, and I wanted to share a word about it. From the reactions I have received, there’s an obvious distinction I can make: there are people out there that just love the website, like and respect that I am doing this, and tell me that they admire…

The fight between fear and hope

The fight between fear and hope

I’ve always been the kind of person that looks forward to the future, to what tomorrow will bring. I’ve always believed that even when today didn’t offer what we hoped for, tomorrow could finally bring that change. Hope for the future. I’ve always believed that tomorrow would be better. Because it was in our hands…

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

This grief… It’s a┬ároller coaster… The most horrifying roller coaster you could possibly imagine. I can feel relatively “okay” sometimes. It’s still there, I always carry it with me. The most treasured memories I have. Memories of her. But also the grief. The heavy burdon I carry along like a 100kg backpack every day since…

Loneliness

Loneliness

I am not alone. I have a husband that is always there for me, in more ways than I could have ever imagined he could. He is there to get me out of bed on those days I feel like locking myself into a cocoon of sadness. He gives me love and hope for the…

Back to work

Back to work

My first day back to work. My mom called me and she asked me “So how did it go?”. What could I have replied other than “I survived”. Because that’s been day one, pure survival. I went to work really early, just to avoid stepping into a crowded office really. Just the thought of having…

1 month Angelversary

1 month Angelversary

It’s been a month already… A month since you were still in my belly kicking and moving. A month since we first met you. A month since we got to find out if you looked more like me or more like your daddy. A month since we held you, since we kissed and hugged you….

Saying goodbye to the alternative present I dreamt of

Saying goodbye to the alternative present I dreamt of

Every time I open a closet, a drawer, or any other random closet around the house, I see something that reminds me of how it should have been. Tiny baby socks, pregnancy clothes, a pacifier with “My daddy is the best” written on it, pregnancy supplements, … I should still be pregnant, and approaching 30…

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