Tag archive: Grief

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

This grief… It’s a roller coaster… The most horrifying roller coaster you could possibly imagine. I can feel relatively “okay” sometimes. It’s still there, I always carry it with me. The most treasured memories I have. Memories of her. But also the grief. The heavy burdon I carry along like a 100kg backpack every day since…

Loneliness

Loneliness

I am not alone. I have a husband that is always there for me, in more ways than I could have ever imagined he could. He is there to get me out of bed on those days I feel like locking myself into a cocoon of sadness. He gives me love and hope for the…

Saying goodbye to the alternative present I dreamt of

Saying goodbye to the alternative present I dreamt of

Every time I open a closet, a drawer, or any other random closet around the house, I see something that reminds me of how it should have been. Tiny baby socks, pregnancy clothes, a pacifier with “My daddy is the best” written on it, pregnancy supplements, … I should still be pregnant, and approaching 30…

Telling the world “Our baby is gone”…

Telling the world “Our baby is gone”…

The day Sahar’s condition was diagnosed, our world was smashed to pieces. We had to wait for a while before saying goodbye, and this was a terrible time. Days of disbelief, crying and grieving… Grieving while she was still alive… How do you even do that? I completely hid myself from the world.  We stayed…

1 Year Wedding Anniversary

1  Year Wedding Anniversary

What a day… Mixed feelings… Bitter sweetness… One year ago today, Frank and I got married in the most idyllic setting one could imagine… In the mountains, at a lake, surrounded by palm trees and beautiful gardens, but especially by love in its purest form. Our families, our friends, it was a perfect day. The second…

The love that is motherhood, the grief that is loss

The love that is motherhood, the grief that is loss

I had a baby. I had a daughter. Her name was Sahar. Our firstborn. The most beautiful blessing. The most precious and beautiful little girl I have ever seen. Our daughter. She made me a mother. She made me experience love in it’s purest form. Unconditional. 22 wonderful weeks she spent in my womb. Growing….

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